Please stop inviting me to be your friend on Facebook.
Please stop inviting me to be your friend on Friendster.
Please stop inviting me to be your friend on MySpace.
Please stop inviting me to be your friend on Quechup.
Please stop inviting me to be your friend on Shelfari.
Please stop inviting me to be your friend on Library Thing.
And although I welcome network connections on Linked In, you'd better damned well be someone that I've actually worked with or currently work with, someone I have freelanced for or who has freelanced for me, someone who is currently my friend, someone I correspond with regularly enough to call an acquaintance, someone I have dealt with in a professional capacity (either online, on the phone, or in person) or someone who is being recommended to me by someone I know already.
If I once worked in the same building as you and we have never met? Don't invite me to Link In. If you once dated a friend of a cousin who once may have crossed paths with me in an airport terminal during a flight delay? Don't invite me to Link In. If you are a book reviewer who never once in the entire history of my pitching books to you over the book and/or by email deigned to return even one of my phone calls? Don't invite me to Link In! (You know who you are!) If you are a crazy chick who randomly hooked up with one of my friends in a bar 'cos you thought she had a nice ass, and then you dated her for a while but it didn't work out, resulting in a nasty break-up so you thought you'd steal all of her Palm Pilot contacts in revenge? Don't invite me to Link In!!!
And most of all: If you are a writer who happened to somehow find my Linked In profile, and you don't know me or ANYONE ELSE I MAY KNOW, but you see that I work at a Big Ass Publishing Company, and you just KNOW that getting in touch with me will be the big break you need to result in the sale of your first book for millions and millions of dollars, your first book which is - incidentally - the next Harry Potter (because, of course, aren't they all?) - a book that you just know I will fall madly in love with if you could only get me to read it??? Don't invite me to Link In!
In other words? If I don't know you, don't invite me to Link In!!!
I am aggravated and annoyed.
Yours in frustration,
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Dear People of the World:
Dear people of the entire friggin' world: