Monday, December 10, 2007

"An open letter to Santa."

From New York Craigslist, W4W, my source for all amusement these days:

An Open Letter to Santa (SoHo)

Reply to: [redacted]
Date: 2007-12-10, 6:58PM EST

Dear Santa,

How are you? It's been many years since I last wrote you. I bet you've been wondering why I've been so silent all these years and why I stopped leaving Stella Doro cookies and a glass of milk by the tree?

When I was a 5 year old tomboy I asked you for a truck and you brought me a barbie. I don't know if you happened to catch a glimpse of my facial expression that fine Christmas morning but sure it wasn't the same one Rudolf had when you asked him to drive your sleigh. All the other kids got what they asked for so I spent the year wondering if maybe one of your elves goofed up or maybe my letter didn't make it to you.

Not being much of a gambler, I played it safe the next few years and asked for board games and electronic toys. It worked out real good for me and I felt confident that you hired a new crew of elves and I had the correct address after all--Mr. Santa Claus, North Pole, United States.

When I was 8, I sent you a letter asking you for one thing and one thing only. I explained that I didn't care if my siblings received a gazillion gifts and I only received one that year because all I wanted, all I NEEDED, was a dirt bike. I received about 10 gifts that year and not one came close to a dirt bike.

It was about that time when I figured out that all those letters to a hairy old fat guy who dressed like Louis XIV on LSD were written in vain. It couldn't have been you who placed the barbie under my tree that year because I had been sending my requests out to the wrong place.

So I guess what I've been trying to say is sorry for giving up on you. And if you happen to be in my neighborhood on the 24th or 25th, I wouldn't be upset if you, well, if you happened to send a doll down my chimney this year. My style hasn't changed much but my taste has evolved. I finally figured out how much fun it is to play with dolls.

Thanks for your time Santa.

Your Friend

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