Monday, June 9, 2008

Adventures in subways and potties.

The F train apparently decided to take an unplanned vacation day yesterday, leaving a bazillion overheated New Yorkers - many of them returning from the Puerto Rican Day Parade - stranded underground. Unfortunately, I was among them.

Being trapped on the subway for very nearly three hours led to my attempting a daring escape at the first opportunity, mostly due to the fact that my bladder was going to explode. After a hodge podge of train jumping (bus to the F to the A to the G to the A to a bus again to a small covered wagon up Nostrand Avenue), this meant I landed somewhere in Bed-Stuy. (I think?)

My only potty opportunity was a McDonald's.

I bought a single cheeseburger and consumed it (so as to be an actual "customer" - New York restaurants really don't like letting people use their potties) and then made my way to the bathroom where I was confronted by a skinny little manager type who informed me that I wasn't allowed to use the bathroom. When I asked why, he said "Cos I closed this side of the restaurant."

I then politely informed him that I was just going to urinate on his floor and did he mind?

Just then, as if on cue, a chorus of older Caribbean women who'd been sitting in the restaurant to escape the 98 degree heat began to shout at the manager in a colorful patois:
"WATCHOO MEAN YOU DOAN WAN DEE LADY TO YOOS YUR BA' TROOM? DEE LADY SHE GOT TO PEE, YA ASSHOLE! HOW YOU LIKE IF DEE MON HE NO LET YOU PEE IN YUR BA' TROOM? DAT NOT RIGHT, MON!
At which point, backed up by my Greek Caribbean chorus, I pushed the manager aside and walked into the bathroom. When I came out, the Caribbean ladies applauded.

It was awesome.

21 comments:

Kelly said...

OMG, I just LOVE New York! (Although, truthfully, I suspect the same probably would have happened in some of my old neighborhoods in Chicago... just with different accents.)

Gina Black said...

This is the sort of scene that belongs in a movie.

Congrats on obtaining your objective. ;)

Rhonda Stapleton said...

I agree with Gina--what a fantastic scene that would be in a movie.

And if it were, that would be when the other McDonalds workers would start the whole "one person claps slowly, then more and more jump in until everyone is clapping fervently" ending.

Travis Erwin said...

When you gotta go, your gotta go.

Ingrid said...

God I love New York!

annathepiper said...

This post made both me and my partner laugh out loud. Well done! And yay, Caribbean chorus! ^_^

Joya said...

Only in New York, lol. Gotta love it!

Megan Frampton said...

I love being in Brooklyn for the same reason. There's nothing as self-righteous as a gaggle of Caribbean women.

La Gringa said...

Megan -

They were pretty awesome, I have to admit. I felt like I had a posse.

Heh.

-C.

nymeria87 said...

That's awesome and vaguely reminds me of Frankfurt ;)

cindy said...

haha! two things :

1. i hate that bladder is about to burst feeling. awful, just awful. legend has it that people have died from holdnig it in--but i think it's a, er, historical myth.

2. i cannot CANNOT believe you actually bought a burger first. haha! you're so good.

Tobias Buckell said...

Caribbean super-powers ACTIVATE!

La Gringa said...

FORM OF A ROTI!!!

Nathan said...

First of all, I'm happy to buy the burger, but after I've used the bathroom.

Second. Damn, you type some good Caribbean accents.

jenniferapril said...

Your post just made my day! Even though it's 9:15 pm.

Ohhh how amusing it would of been to see the look on the guy's face.

Jinx said...

LMAO! Seriously, this kind of stuff just doesn't happen in AZ!

JKB said...

LOL!!

That is so GREAT!

I love New York. You have my envy for living there.

Gabrielle said...

This is amazing. La Gringa, better tell one of your clients to steal this for a book or someone else will!

OMYGOSH. Best peeing story ever.

Derryl Murphy said...

Officious little weasels who grow up to be managers deserve a quick note to head office. But in the end, I doubt even being fired would make him feel smaller than you and your posse. Right on.

D

writtenwyrdd said...

Great scene. That guy's an a-hole.

Jael said...

"DEE LADY SHE GOT TO PEE!"

I can utterly picture this, and yea, from this distance, it is good.