Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Eloquent advice for you same-sex couples who will be married in California starting today

John Scalzi has an extraordinary post over on his blog for all y'all same-sex couples who are about to get married in California starting today (the first official day!). As always, he is eloquent, funny and full of advice for those of you taking the plunge:
I’ve been married 13 years as of this very day. During all that time, there hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t said “I love you” to my spouse — several times if at all possible. The two facts are related.

Other short phrases which also occasionally come in handy: “I’m sorry,” “You’re right,” “I’ll get that” and “Of course I’ll go down to the freezer and get you some ice cream, even though it’s 3am and you woke me from a dead sleep. There’s nothing I’d rather do.” Okay, so that last one is not that short. Think about all the times you’re entirely unreasonable, and then go get the ice cream.
Go read the rest of the post now.

5 comments:

numdlmom said...

I agree wholeheartedly with John. Marriage is wonderful. Today is my anniversary as well and there hasn't been a day in the last 13 years that I haven't said "I love you" to my husband. He's wonderful and I thank the powers to be for sending him my way.

pjd said...

The real trick to longevity of marriage (I turn 41 next week and my marriage turns 18 next month) is in saying "I love you" every day even when you have a hard time meaning it. Especially when you have a hard time meaning it. Then, finding the courage and the will to mean what you said.

It's that last part that's the difficult step. I know several couples who said "I love you" every day, but after a while they stopped meaning it but kept saying it, and eventually their marriages ended.

But the message is clear. Successful partnerships in any endeavor, particularly those of the heart, require constant maintenance. It's not all up to the other person to remain 100% loveable. Imagine two mountain climbers, one belaying the other. The one holding the rope wouldn't let go and blame the resulting fall on the other one. Marriage is a little like that. Sometimes you're the one holding the rope, and other times you're the one hoping your partner doesn't let go.

Dharma Kelleher said...

John's got it right!

My partner Eileen and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in August. We must say (and mean it) "I love you" a few dozen times a day.

The illustration of the ice cream is apt. Not only will I get Eileen ice cream in the wee hours, I will drive 10 miles to the nearest 24-hour pharmacy when needed, and have done so numerous times.

We both have the attitude of "what can I give?" rather than "what can I get?". Maintaining that attitude is the key for me. I let it guide all aspects of my life and it has served me well.

Thanks for sharing this, Colleen!

Just_Me said...

I don't agree with the idea that marriage should be a political statement (for any side or party). Marriage isn't about presents, politics, or money- well, it shouldn't be. Marriage should be a sacred trust and undying union. It should be a safe place and refuge from all the stress of horrors of the world.

It takes a lot of work. It means trying to fall in love with the same person every day of your life. It means making sacrafices for someone elses comfort. It means you can't be selfish.

I have my fingers crossed for the couples out in California. I hope they all are doing it for so they can love and honor their spouse. I hope they can view marriage as something beautiful between them and not a stepping stone for political or religious dischord.

Imagine- if every couple were happy and content we'd have a lot less war, fewer children raised in broken homes, and a happier nation over all :o) It's definitly something to strive for.

lizz said...

Loved the link. Just beautiful. Thank you.
A triumph for humanity, this day is.