So many really bad queries this past week. Never have I seen such a collection of rambling, incoherent and just plain badly-written query letters all in one week. (Also, for the four billionth time: I don't represent inspirational, Christian, or kids picture books. Please stop sending them to me. If I get one more Jonathan Livingston Seagull-clone query, I may just be forced to hunt you down and force-feed you pages from your own manuscript.)
Alas, I was so despondent that I was sorely tempted to just crawl back into bed with a pint of Haagen Daz and a bottle of Laphroaig to make it all go away. I'm beginning to empathize with Nathan's query ennui now.
It's become painfully obvious to me that there are an awful lot of you who need a SERIOUS refresher course in basic Query 101. So, to that end, I am ordering all of you to immediately go read this and this and this and this. And especially THIS (since the query letter used as an example netted the author a half million dollar deal). And, heck, while you're at it, re-read this and this too. Oh, and also this.
Because, ya know? Despite my complaints? I really do look forward to reading your queries. I just, ya know, want them to not blow chunks. For your sake as well as mine.
Okay, I am off to do an exorcism of my brain so I can clear all this negative query energy out of the air and start fresh tomorrow.
(PS: PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! NO ELVES AND UNICORNS! AND ESPECIALLY NOT TOGETHER!!!)
::: wringing hands, goes in search of cold compress :::