Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Honestly? I just do it for the cookies.

Donate blood today at lunch. Nice phlebotomist lady gives me a little blue rubber doo-hickey and tells me to squeeze it.

"But not too hard!"

"Okay!" says I, giving it a good couple of hard pumps. Then I ask how long it'll take for them to retrieve a pint, as it's been a little while since I've donated blood.

"Not too long. Anywhere from 10 to 20 min --- oh, hang on." Squints suspiciously at bag. Lifts bag. Bag is already full.

"Um, looks like you're done already." Waves very full bag of blood at me.

"Wait, what? It's only been two minutes. You just plugged me in."

She looks at bag, looks back at me, eyes narrow: "Lady, just how hard did you squeeze that thing, anyway?"

14 comments:

Susan Adrian said...

I like the "useless superpowers" tag.

I looked up the rules again because of your post, in case I was eligible now. But still banned because I spent a year abroad in the UK, in the 90s. So Stupid.

Annalee said...

oh jaysus. I should have known better than to click through and read the whole post.

It is a good thing you are doing for the cookies. Personally, I get lightheaded and sometimes pass out at the mere sight of a needle.

But way to be hardcore.

Kelly said...

LOL! I think I was squeezing too hard last time, too, because I don't think it was more than 5 minutes from plug-in to full.

I think I'm going to do a "double red" next time... you get more cookies for that, right? ;)

H. L. Dyer said...

Hey... that's not useless...

You've got surprise AND ruthless efficiency. Those are two chief weapons.

Jolie said...

Oh, dear. I always just roll the doohickey around in my hand, because moving my arm muscles with a needle in there? It's uncomfortable.

Less is more, La Gringa!

C. Taylor said...

You've gotta love the size of those needles. It's like they're expecting to stick it into an elephant's vein.

Elissa M said...

I, too, was living overseas at the wrong time to donate now. The worst part is, this is the case for a large number of service members and their families, though they traditionally donate more blood than other segments of the population (because they intimately know how much it is needed).

Thank you, Colleen, and everyone else who donates. It is not hyperbole to say you are true life-savers.

beth said...

Last time I donated, I had a nurse who had never done it before by himself. He was really nervous, but I've got a high tolerance for pain--he had to poke me three or four times. But then he forgot to tape it right or something...he gave me the thingy to squeeze, and when I started, the needle shot out of my arm and a fountain of blood started squirting up!! Then HE passed out!!! When I finally came out of the tent to rejoin my friends, I looked like I was in a slasher film--I'd been wearing a white blouse that day (which Red Cross kindly replaced).

beth said...

Sorry...was that TMI?

Jolie said...

Beth: Maybe, but it's still a cool story!

C. Taylor said...

Beth, that was hysterical!

S. E. Ward said...

I wish I had that superpower. The last time I donated, it took most of an hour, four phlebotomists, some hardware, and a precision scale to coax the minimum amount of blood from my arm. The techs made me stay another hour, and kept stuffing me with cookies and juice because I'd turned grey. Then I spent three days in bed. I'm now under doctor's orders never to lose that much blood again.

Thanks for picking up my slack on the blood donation front. :) Also, thanks for picking up my time slack, bleeder agent lady. And you think I'm slow with revisions.

S. E. Ward said...

Beth:

Best. Screwball vampire comedy. EVER.

Vieva said...

Beth: can't stop laughing! That's great!

I was going to say something really nice about people that donate blood (I've received three pints, so thank you VERY much!) but .. slasher flick with the poor blood-taking dude passed out on the floor! That's just GREAT!