Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Genevieve Valentine on ten fantasy films that ruined it for the rest of us.

Over at Fantasy Magazine, Genevieve Valentine gleefully skewers ten of the worst fantasy films ever made. If you're a film fan (or if you've ever spent a miserable sick day in bed forced to watch an endless stream of SciFi Channel-produced made-for-TV classics such as Mansquito or Frankenfish) and you aren't regularly reading her regular columns at Fantasy Magazine (as well as her hilarious Questionable Taste Theater posts on her personal blog), well, you're seriously missing out on some of the funniest movie eviscerations critiques ever written.

20 comments:

Pamala Knight said...

That was effing brilliant!!! I needed a good laugh today. Thanks Colleen.

Laura Anne said...

*snickernortgigle* -- oh, hey! I liked "Labyrinth!"

Okay, I was a tweener when it came out, but still. Never underestimate muppets and Bowie in tights. Or should that be muppet Bowie in tights?

clindsay said...

It was Bowie in tights and HORNS! Or wait, was that Tim Curry? I can't remember anymore...

andrewkaye said...

Colleen, no need to censor yourself. Genevieve is ALL ABOUT evisceration. :)

Laura Anne said...

Legend! How could she have forgotten Legend? Now that's a movie that scarred me for years!

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh Dude. I loved Willow. The badness alone is brilliant.

Annalee said...

I liked everything about Labyrinth except Connelly, who I thought needed a lot more support and direction. But even so, I admit that it was a pretty terrible movie.

super lulz about Eragon and Twilight, though. I'm not usually a "think of the children" sort, but I think it was terribly irresponsible to publish a YA novel with such a backwards, "abusive behavior is how boys say they love you" message. At an age when young women are learning what it means to date and form relationships, they don't need to be told that it's romantic for their boyfriends to stalk them and physically restrain them from visiting friends.

intotheforest said...

I loved Labryinth when I was a kid (maybe it was the idea of being able to wish away my little brother) and I still like Somewhere in Time (Because of Christopher Reeve). The only other one I've seen that's listed is The Craft.

ChristaCarol said...

I'm a Labyrinth lover too! I was a tween though, so that's my excuse. Well, if I can still use it for an excuse of owning the DVD now ;)

S. E. Ward said...

... But I liked Labyrinth. *sulks* Ah, David Bowie's tights, how painted on thou are. (Oh, and the voodoo bit? Borrowed from The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer. Cary Grant, aw, yeah.)

Laura Anne: I just watched Legend again a few nights ago. My final comment was: "The glitter budget for this movie was astronomical."

annathepiper said...

HAR! As part of a household that regularly hosts Movie Suckoff Marathons (most recent theme, Giant Snakes), I feel that links to such posts are a public service. Thank you!

Sex Mahoney for President said...

The fantasy genre is a tough nut to crack; I can't think of any good fantasy films. Still. you have to love David Bowie in tights.

Sex Mahoney for President

Jeff said...

No list is complete without Legend, as previously mentioned, but also Beastmaster, Dragonheart, and Conan the Destroyer.

Bombata!!! Bombata!!!

Seriously, though, the reason Hollowood never took fantasy seriously or thought it could make money, before Peter Jackson took it seriously and made a ton of money with it, is because they only ever made "BAAAAAADDDDDD, Willow" fantasy movies.

Deaf Brown Trash Punk said...

screw that list. The Craft is one of my favourite films. It's an ultimate 90s feminist film for young females and women. It's also a little short intro to Goth culture and wiccan paganism, even if it's not accurate, but then again, Hollywood isn't known for being accurate.

The Golden Compass was also excellent.

Labyrinth was ok. a bit cheesy, but it'll always be a beloved 80s classic.

the list was dumb.

Vieva said...

Wait - where's the D&D movie? That awful awful D&D movie?

Where everyone that actually PLAYS twitched the minute the elf walked into the bar and went "DROW!" - and then went "no, crap, they're making sure love interests have the same skin color. idiots."

I mean really - why isn't that movie there? it ruined fantasy AND D&D for people!

Jeff said...

I think the D&D movie was so bad it doesn't even deserve to be on the list of bad movies.

Maybe it should go on its own list, along with Red Sonja, The Sword and the Sorcerer, and the League of Distinguished Gentlemen.

But lo! and behold! a new Red Sonja movie is in the works!!!! I can't wait to add that one to the list of bad fantasy.

Kristi said...

I don't believe for a moment that that post's author has seen many fantasy films.

Ripping on the popular favorites might get you hits on your site, but won't buy it for someone who's sat through multiple Dungeons & Dragons movies, multiple Mortal Kombat movies, Street Fighter, Evil Dead (its a series, you know), Konans, Beastmaster, The Last Unicorn, Highlander, Dragonheart (we own both of them), Nicholas Cage as a motorcycle-riding demon slayer, Tom Cruise in Legend...

I'd give her a D- on effort, and a C+ on humor.

Cathy in AK said...

Man, did that list bring back some memories. Not necessarily *good* memories...

These days, when I flip to the SciFi Channel my oldest daughter asks, "Mom, are you just watching this to mock it?" She knows me so well.

Nicole Lorenz said...

I have Mansquito on the Tivo right now!

jschancellor said...

I loved Labyrinth and Willow. Perhaps it had something to do with childhood imprinting, but I doubt it. Genevieve's commentary isn't completely off--she is afterall entitled to her opinion. But, it needs to be stated that poorly budgeted fantasy flicks have very little to do with the current market. A market, in my opinion, that is oversaturated with books that will only have one run: Paranormal romance.
This is why True Blood has been picked up by HBO. Its a fleeting trend. These types of novels rarely, if ever, see second edition printing, whereas good classic fantasy will be read for generations. Do you see your grandchildren reading anything by Christine Feehan, Shayla Black or Paula Quinn?
Lets just hope that Goodkind's recent sale, when it hits the air on Nov. 1st, will impact those disillusioned with films like Eragon, and TV series like True Blood.