Friday, October 3, 2008

The one email you should never send an agent.

Dear [name of agent] -
Can you please email me your submission guidelines for fiction?

[name of writer]
Dear [name of writer]:
You are clearly an idiot.

Edit to add: No, in fact I did not send the above response. But I wanted to. Anyone who's done enough research on me to figure out how to obtain my email address should be able to realize that they've already done the research necessary for obtaining my submission guidelines. Being as they are on the same page and all.

So, in conclusion: don't be an idiot.


David said...

I did once see an agent's listing (in Publishers Marketplace, I think) where the agent instructed writers to e-mail her for her fiction and non-fiction guidelines.

Jeff said...

Shoot, I can think of at least a dozen more emails you should never send.

Deaf Brown Trash Punk said...

did you really send that? haha

Catherine Haines said...

Face. Palm.

Georgiana said...

I'm guessing they have some sort of list of contact information and they're writing to everyone on the list asking for submission guidelines. Or perhaps I'm just hoping that's what they're doing.

Sex Mahoney for President said...

Oh, come now. Being an idiot is so much fun. Every day is an adventure. You get to go through revolving doors multiple times, network television is still funny to you, and you can drink all the furniture polish you want.

Sex Mahoney for President

Amanda said...

That's not valid. Agent emails are everywhere.

clindsay said...

Amanda -

It's certainly valid.

In every place that my email is currently available online, my submission guidelines are either posted right beside it or there is a handy link to them on that page.

So you could just as easily say "Agent submission guidelines are everywhere." Which is true. It's just that, sadly, they seem to go unread by most would-be authors.