Saturday, November 22, 2008

The Bad Sex Award nominees have been announced!

Never has passion been so purple on the printed page. This year's esteemed nominees include Russell Banks, Alistair Campbell and Paulo Coehlo, who was nominated for this bit of fornication silliness in his book Brida:
"At last, she could no longer control the world around her, her five senses seemed to break free and she wasn't strong enough to hold on to them. As if struck by a sacred bolt of lightning, she unleashed them, and the world, the seagulls, the taste of salt, the hard earth, the smell of the sea, the clouds, all disappeared, and in their place appeared a vast gold light, which grew and grew until it touched the most distant star in the galaxy."
Yes, I'm sure sex is like that for most people. (No, really.)


Jenna said...

Bad sex writing is best embodied by Harry Potter slash fiction. *shudder*

I swear I wasn't looking for it, but when I found it, I was captivated as though by a train wreck. Ah, preteen writers who haven't a CLUE how sex works yet, and are trying to make 2 boys have at it with zero idea of the involved physical limitations or anatomy.


Robert said...

I was going to comment that the 'grasping a live wire' or other electrical descriptors can work for, er, certain climactic aspects of sex, some of the time, if you're trying not to make it sound like what it looks like. I mean, good sex can occasionally LOOK really silly, whereas sex that looks good is typically very low ROI in terms of entertainment vs. effort.

Then I read Jenna's comment. Then out of morbid fascination I googled. I read. I wept for the poor, abused words. I now need some mental bleach.

S. E. Ward said...


There is such thing as good HP slash, I swear. But you're totally right about the preteen crap. Gah. Gah!

What? Snape's hot.

j.lee said...

And wouldn't you know it, I was planning on writing some smut into my WIP this morning? Now I'm afraid to read the nominees.

Julie Butcher-Fedynich said...

Heh, around here, that golden light would be the police, looking in the backseat of the car.

Jeff said...

Who knew it was so easy to travel the universe?

Sex Mahoney for President said...

One of the worst things about writing for and on the internet is the infinite supply of bad erotic fiction; although, I genuinely enjoyed the double entendres in The Sink Drains Clockwise or Plumbing Her Depths: One Man's Erotic Adventures in the World of Unlicensed Contracting. I never knew plumbing was so dirty, plus it had lots of practical advice about toilet repair.

Sex Mahoney for President

Lee Wind said...


That was fu-nny!

I'm almost scared to check out the rest of the nominees...

Thanks for sharing, and Happy Thanksgiving!