Thursday, October 8, 2009

The "Opus and Bill the Cat Thumb Their Noses at the FTC" Bloom County book giveaway contest!

The fine folks at Diamond Book Distributors have offered up for a giveaway a brand-new copy of the book that many of you comic fans have been salivating over: Bloom County: The Complete Collection, Volume One: 1980-1982, published by IDW, is the first of a five-volume collection that brings together all of Berkeley Breathed classic Bloom County strips in one ginormous and friggin' gorgeous collection. It just hit bookstore this week, too! (Seriously, I could not stop looking at this when I saw it at a friend's house in Seattle last week.)

Did I get the book for free? Well, yes. However, technically the book resides in the state of Washington, from whence it will be mailed directly to the winner. Does it still count as my being compensated to promote the book if it never actually followed me home to New York? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

---> End Disclaimer <---

What do you need to do to win? WRITE ME AN FTC BOOK BLOG DISCLAIMER! Leave it in the comments field. The funniest one wins and will appear as my official FTC blog disclaimer in perpetuity or until the FTC comes to its collective senses.

Teh Rulez:
  • One entry per person
  • Leave your entry in the comments field of this post
  • U.S. Residents only
  • Contest closes at Friday, October 16th at 5:00 PM EST
  • Winner will be announced on Monday, October 19th
  • Employees of IDW, Diamond Comics and Diamond Books are not eligible
  • Neither is Richard Cleland
  • Or Roman Polanski
  • Okay, I'm done now
  • Well, maybe I'll exclude Michael Vicks, too
  • Seriously, I am *really* done now
Okay, then. Get to it!


Larry said...

Well, I don't think I could have mine used, so write you one that you can use? Hrmm...

"This is a disclaimer. If this had been an actual fluff piece endorsed by Erik Estrada and/or Smilin' Bob, this post would have contained copious references to fun and excitement that's full of pleasurable moments to be had if only the product endorsed were tried. Thankfully, this was only a disclaimer. The product(s) actually mentioned was/were tested and shredded by cats. This concludes the disclaimer warning."

Hopefully, that'll inspire others to write much better ones than what I came up with in two minutes! :P

clindsay said...

Larry, the disclaimer on your blog was a work of genius, I must admit.

Have you seen Janet Reid's? It's classic, seriously.

Larry said...

Ha! I hadn't until now, but that is indeed a classic one! :D

Aimee States said...

Dear “The Man”,

The books reviewed in this blog have been provided by either an author or publisher, Santa, my creepy neighbor, or my mom. I have not paid for the books, I merely shine with the fire of a thousand suns and people like to give me sacrificial offerings. That means they were free in case you aren't paying attention. Shut up. The Swivet blog is offered for enjoyment, and the dear and/or nail-biting author (depending on who you ask) receives no affiliate payment for any books reviewed on this site. It is simply an educated (did you catch that?) opinion offered to Swivet readers.

All the best (if briars are “best”),


Aimee States said...

Comes off a little biting, I imagine...

JMLee said...

DISCLAIMER: I hereby state that I have received material benefits from The Federal Trade Committee (henceforth "The Man") for writing this disclaimer, in a retroactive way which, in writing so, prevents my writing elsewise or lack thereof from inciting federal charges. (Or bad eggs. Whichever they use in The Manville.)

KD said...


All the books I review on this site were purchased by me or are ARCs, which have no value unless the book really takes off (for which we do pray!) and it becomes memorabilia and that doesn't count, does it?

Oh, and that one book I won't name but did mention. I didn't buy that, my dumb landlord left it in my bathroom the day he locked my cat in the garage, and I'm not giving it back till I learn to sign my serial-killer van-owner neighbor's name under the mustaches I drew in it with my Sharpie--

Umm...I bought the Sharpie with my own money, except the clerk at Office Depot gave me a discount because I was wearing a really low-cut top and I leaned over--

Ahh--well, Office Depot never paid me a dime, though that one guy as I was walking out waved a ten at me and whistled, but I didn't take it (then) so I don't think--

Fine, I'll just buy a copy. Okay? I just ordered a copy off Amazon, will you--


Amazon doesn't pay me either; the only people who pay me are the people I work for at--look, can I just post all my financial records in a PDF? (I use Adobe, but they didn't give it to me, my second cousin gave me a disk when I lost all my stuff when Windows--oh frelling hell.)

John said...

Well, Bloom County will motivate me every time...

DISCLAIMER: This blog discusses books that I did not pay for and therefore you may choose to see its contents as suspect. I did not believe that my comments were unduly influenced by this fact, but the FTC has forced me to reconsider the possible factors that prejudice my thoughts. I find myself wracked by self-doubt, searching fruitlessly for answers to the existential questions of consciousness and how much of my mind I can really call my own. How can I resolve this riddle wrapped up in an enigma and delivered to my door by UPS? Clearly I cannot--yet I must! I fear I shall lose myself in the urges of rampant consumerism and fall before grade-school peer pressure until one day I am reduced to a quivering blob of self-doubt at the ringing of every doorbell that may harken the coming of the selfsame Taxman that destroyed far more powerful creatures than I could aspire to become in my base existence. Lo!--but I see the future approach, and I shall not become Al Capone! I deny this eight-dollar seduction, and declare I am free--FREE, I say!--to think and act on my own behalf, my course unbent by any such intimations of bribery. For before all else I am a Blogger, and while I may be given a book, I shall never betray my readers and my brethren and my very soul by publishing a false word about any book, good or bad!

Anonymous said...

DISCLAIMER: Per updated FTC guidelines I submit forthwith the following declamatory data that, per said guidelines will endorse the obligation - literal, physical, actual or otherwise unregistered in the state of origin - of my duty as a non-licensed, self-distributing, impartial conveyor of non-advocating opinion (hereafter referred to as 'blogger') in relation to any product or products, service or services that, as 'blogger' I may be held accountable for the potential misinterpretation or misrepresentation of such product or products, service or services from actual, literal, figurative or otherwise endorsement stemming from the exchange of monetary or other services, goods or products and, for fear of being subject to potential harassment or forced to render due fees and/or fines to the FTC if such information is found, upon discovery, to be false. Or some shit like that.

Kyddryn said...

Only for Opus 'n' Bill would I even attempt this...and I fear it doesn't even approach the bar set by prior entries, but I adore Bloom County. I even have the video "A Wish For Wings That Work", the definitive Xmas animation for the ages. That's not a review, by the way, it's an opinion. Wait...maybe it is a review. Dang...and I didn't write the disclaimer yet. Ack!
Disclaimer: Oh, c'mon, we're among friends here, right? Unless you're with the FTC, in which case I was held at gunpoint and forced to review these books/movies/CDs/brands of cat food, or risk perforation of my spectacular anatomy, and really, that would be like smashing the Pieta with a hammer, and we all know how awful...wait, what? What's the Pieta? Really? And you people think you're qualified to levy fines on someone reviewing books? What do you mean, making obscure references to historical hysterics in the art world won't distract you? You people must be the result of cross-breeding the IRS with Velociraptors (I hear the Raptor genes help gentle the IRS influence). I wonder how they got the Velociraptors to...huh? What review? This is a genealogy blog. Pay no attention to the book/movie/CD/can of cat food (now in tasty Herring 'n' Pork Lip flavor, with meaty nuggets and chewy nibbles for that real critter taste!) behind the curtain...
Oh, well...I tried...

Shade and Sweetwater,
K (scuttling back into the shadows to relurk before she's smushed under the shoes of the tremendous talent wandering around here)

Anonymous said...

1. The Books came.
2. I read The Books.
3. I wrote about The Books.
4. I donated The Books to a needy library.
5. Is that a crime?

4. The dog ate The Books.

Andrea said...

They'd never have pulled this crap on Lavar Burton

thelittlefluffycat said...

According to the FTC,
I have to say this book was free.
(Like air and sun and storm and sea.)
It came to me without a bill.
(Which doesn’t mean that I’m a shill.)
I read the thing, as was its due,
and passed my honest thought to you.
What happens next is Not My Fault.
Take all this with a grain of salt.

Leatherdykeuk said...

I get stuff free to review it. If you consider it takes me 4-12 hourse to read a manuscript or novel, and my time is worth (say) $25 an hour, and the cost of a book is (say) $20, the average review COSTS me $180 on average. Let me know when you provide legislation to allow me to claim that against taxes.

DragonKat said...

Know I am not eligible, so don't count me in for the contest part... here is the disclaimer that is going up on my site:

Dear FTC:
The books reviewed on this site are ones that I paid for out of my own pocket. I may even, at some point in the future, win or be given some ARCs. Those'd be free. I also have an affiliate relationship with Amazon so if someone reads my reviews and wants to purchase said books they can just click on the link. I suppose if enough people do that I will eventually benefit from it, but if I do I will just reinvest the monies in buying more books for me to review. Vicious Circle, hunh? (Incidentally the name of a fantastic book by Linda Robertson. You should go out and buy it).

By the way, all of this is kind of irrelevant as my relationship is with Amazon Canada because (hooray) I am Canadian! Neener, neener! The Canadian government does a lot of stuff that is really, really stupid... but they aren't quite as bad as you. (P.S. No givin' 'em ideas!)

Katie said...

Disclaimer: I get free books. Sometimes I read them. Sometimes I like them. Sometimes I write about liking them. No one pays me to say that I like them. I just do. Like them. Unless I say I don't.

Diane T said...

I figure it is pointless to compete against these other lovely entries, but the prize is too tempting to resist. Thus, I offer a DISCLAIMER HAIKU:

"I got this for free"
is that enough, FTC,
for a disclaimer?

Philangelus said...

The one I have on my blog:

Sometimes I review books. Sometimes the publisher has provided me with the book on the grounds that my guardian angel will not read the book to me while I'm driving, and I kind of need to read it in order to form an opinion for my review. I apologize to anyone who thought the book was simply beamed into my skull. I have never received any other freebies because of my blog. So there.

The Plush Gourmet said...

I follow you on Twitter & read your blog so how else can I ingratiate myself?? I would truly enjoy the book, so give it to ME.

Editor @ the "Dew" said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Editor @ the "Dew" said...

Not entering the contest - but just wanted to mention how very much I love Bloom County! I read it for years. Man, when the whole Charles and Diana thing was going on and I wanted to be a princess too (now - no damn way!) it was priceless writing!

writtenwyrdd said...

This is my actual disclaimer that I put up on the blog before I decided I'd just write a disclaimer for any items that were reviewed.

"I find I have fallen afoul of the FTC's 10/5/2009 new rulings that require me to tell you I have been "compensated" for some of my book recommendations/reviews. This merely means I've received an occasional ARC or free copy of a book (via contests, usually), and have then given my opinion about said books. For the record, let me state that I've done these recommendations without receiving any monetary reward besides the free swag. And I'll tell you in the posts if it's a freebie or ARC that I'm reviewing. Or if I've been bribed to say nice things for money. That is all."

Katie said...

yeah, you know, mine's not really funny. why do i write stuff at 5am? no idea what i was thinking. apologies.

Aimee States said...

Don't worry about it, Katie, you got a chuckle out of me.

Anonymous said...

DISCLAIMER: Be it known by all here reading that the following may or may not be the case in any given book review I post:

1. If I talk about a book, I might have gotten it for free from someone with a vested interest in the success of that book. On the other hand, I might have found it abandoned in the seat pocket in front of me during my last plane trip. I’ll try to let you know on a case by case basis.

2. If that aforementioned someone who gave me the book is deluded enough to think that my blog constitutes anything even remotely resembling “a force” in publishing, then there is the serious chance that my free book was worth every penny I paid for it and I’m unlikely to talk about it anyway. Just saying...

3. Publishers and authors, I will be happy to shill for you, but you better pony up cash. Lots of cash. All the free stuff I get is reviewed with what turns out to be my honest opinion, meaning if I think it’s crap, I’ll call it crap. Oh yeah, if you do pay me for the review, I’m going to mention that factoid by saying something like, “I read this fabulous book the other day, which I would never have known about if the publisher hadn’t sent me on an all-expenses paid holiday to a secluded tropical island, allowing me to read my complimentary copy on the beach in peace.”

4. Readers, until you see me tooling around in a BMW that is unexplainable by the income from my day job (and all BMW's meet this condition) you will know that I’m telling you what I think about the book, no matter how the damn thing ended up in my grubby mitts. (See Item 3 above for clarification on why this is so.)

5. FTC-type people, if this isn’t a good enough disclaimer for you, then you need to get a life. The IRS is happy with me, and they are notorious for being the grumpiest agency in our government that isn’t in the spy business. Who are you to think you know better than the IRS?

6. I could have said all this in far fewer words, but dealing with the federal government is like dealing with my seventh-grade English teacher: High word count rules, and bullshitting is allowed. There, I threw you FTC guys another bone and made this really long so it looks all official. Sorry about the IRS remark, fellas. That one was cold, I admit.

Matt Mikalatos said...

"Dear FTC:

Please note the following list of free things which contributed to this blog: speech, oxygen, the internet, press, radicals, small hotel soaps, gently used newspapers at the coffee shop, parking, music, love, friendship and, last but not least, Bloom County: The Complete Collection, Volume One: 1980-1982."

You could, of course, occasionally swap out, lengthen or shorten the list of free things. And the book title.


Robin said...

The opinions of this review belong to my cats, and in no way reflect my personal views. I just type what they tell me. My cats, however, received the subject matter being reviewed in this blog for free, and thus their opinions have been compromised and should in no way be trusted. Don’t tell them I told you about the free stuff, or they might retaliate with the shiny, shiny weapons on their feet.